“Have wished for it,—would even have prayed it, were it fit that such as I should pray for any thing. Yet, if death be in this cup, I bid thee think again, ere thou beholdest me quaff it.” (PG 67)
here she is saying that even though she had prayed for death before she doesn’t want it now and is making sure the drink isn’t poison. But when she says “would even have prayed it, were it fit that such as I should pray for any thing” is the real importance here. She is saying that through all her sins if she were still good through god’s eyes, and if she was able to still pray death is what she would have prayed for. She is saying that because of this sin she is no longer allowed to ask anything of god or pray for anything, and if she does, the best thing it could be is death.
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